6月11日

3个月后的今天,CPA考试。它不是最重要,但也绝非不重要。去年的时候,没有花很多时间去看书,结果考试成绩在预料之中的没过,多想来个意外。因为一些事,去年看书的时候总分心,做什么事当我分心的时候,当我无法安静的想自己所想的时候,失败总那么近。可是挺失败,今年的这个时候,很心乱,如果哪里有卖定心丸的话,我一定会去买颗。

有些事应该真的不能碰,就像是吸烟。刚接触的时候,总是年少的轻狂的觉得无所谓,觉得自己不可能日后染上烟瘾。然后一天一天过,直到有一天,发现离不开烟了,才知道自己的瘾重。但是,想改变了,也已经晚了。最好的作法是,自始自终都做到与我无关。无欲者刚就有些这个道理。

我会每天对着镜子整理自己的着装打理自己的头发,但也太多的时候,我都没有自己跟自己说过话。我就每天木然的过,日升而起,日落而眠。我会不知道自己现在终究处于什么样的状态,我会看不清自己,我会不明白自己是不是还走在最初想的那条路上看沿路的风景。所以,我会偶尔在这个地方,记录彼时彼刻的情境,它会像一张相片装在相框里等着岁月被吹得泛黄。你也会偶尔回忆起你的从前,回忆傻里傻气的自己,是吧?

一颗浮燥的心,在这个浮华而喧嚣的城市。蛮多的时候,都会无比矛盾。一方面,要自己的理想,要社会的一点点公正;一方面不断的妥协,不断的想着急功近利。并且感到身不由己。

前些天买的股票,让我分了很多心。我在买的时候,告诉自己,我不会经常去关注它。但是事实是开开关关软件在关注它。像是一种诱惑,像是惊艳的女子惹火的勾引我,而我无法抗拒一样。但是,从明天起,从此时此刻起,我会不去理它,本该就做个长期的预期投资,天天看,何必呢?看书,看书。

另外,从大学开始,一些亲人及周围的人渐渐离开人世,像奶奶,像梦瑶的爸爸,像大伯,像二伯,像最近的表叔的老婆。其实死亡并没有什么恐惧,必经之路,每个人都得走,想得明白点,真得可以做到坦然,也希望他们能够安详。但是珍惜现在还依然在你身边的人,给爸爸妈妈外公外婆阿姨姨丈还有一些兄弟,还有一些曾经一起走过的朋友,多一些关怀,多一份温暖就不那么容易。有时候觉得生命就那么短,像不到170的身高,但时光匆匆,以前是匆匆的长大,现在是匆匆的老去,长辈们以前是匆匆的老去,现在是匆匆的缅怀时光。给身边的人多一份爱,仅管我们在多数时候心里从未忘了他,但是心里也没有时时刻刻装着他,每天忙忙碌碌,但也不知道忙碌些什么。忙碌完了,才觉得内心空空荡荡,才会想起一些人。想起了,也未尽去告诉他,多数时候那个想起的情绪闷在心头,然后就沉了。跟他们说,我其实在多数时候,都会记起你们,而不是仅仅是节假日。以后,我会告诉那千里之外的你,我今天想你了,我现在怎么样了。希望你也一样的告诉我。

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