洪七公:hi,锋哥,好久不见,最近好么?
欧阳锋:我很好啊,你看我帅的,金城武都羡慕撒。你呢?
洪七公:我现在天天吃黄蓉在香格里拉给我烧的菜,味道好极了,生活滋润着呢。哎,你现在怎么搞个这么酷的发型,光头啊。
欧阳锋:你有所不知。
洪七公:细细道来。洗耳恭听。
欧阳锋:你的打狗棒法练得怎么样了?拿到证书了没?
洪七公:就打打狗呗。还一门没过。
欧阳锋:我的蛤蟆功已经修炼成功了,考试也通过了。
洪七公:真的?
欧阳锋:嗯,你知道嘛,练得过程好辛苦啊。你还记得我们家小时候的那条小河么?
洪七公:记得,怎么会不记得。水清澈着嘞,河里有很多的虾鱼蟹蚌,我们的美好的童年就在那里度过的。
欧阳锋:那里现在的水真他妈的臭啊,河面上漂浮着除尸体之外的东西应有尽有,不应有的也有。水也干涸了不少。真他妈恶心。但,为我练蛤蟆功创造了条件,就是第一门考试:喝毒水。我喝了之后,然后人就昏迷过去了。醒来之后,功力大增。通过。
洪七公:那你的胸部怎么也发育了?
欧阳锋:然后,练第二式(即第二门考试科目):吃激素。现在的水果蔬菜鸡鸭兔肉看上去不论个子还是颜色光泽,都是顶呱呱的,但那些都是激素注射进去的。你知道我贪吃的,一吃多,就跑出胸部来了。基于我的胸部现在要用E罩杯了,考试委员会给了我优秀的成绩。
洪七公:你的发型在那个国内著名美容美发店搞的?
欧阳锋:我这是自然的。因为我现在用的衣服和家纺用品的原料都是人工合成的,什么从石油里啊煤里啊提取的,穿多了,头发就掉光了。只有几件是从白天鹅公司购进的,质量还可以。
洪七公:再说说你的蛤蟆功?
欧阳锋:接着是第三式(即第三门考试科目):要学会飙车,且一定要压死人。你知道的,开车不是我的专长,于是我就想请胡斌帮我替开的,没想到他在我的邀请之前就已经行动了,没办法啊,于是我又请了魏志刚老师,终于完成任务。
洪七公:第四式呢?
欧阳锋:腐败、糜烂。生活越腐败越糜烂,就越容易pass,要么给我们的检考官送点礼。我们的检考官是**党。
洪七公:哦,晓得了,怪不得我去年考试的时候没过。今年考打狗棒法的最后一棒《一棒打死你》的时候,一定得送点理。
欧阳锋:我的毒功夫现在更上一层楼了。
洪七公:嗯,百炼成钢。你吃了那么多毒素,人品又毒。当然现在是高手中的高手了。
欧阳锋:客气客气。
在这个时候,有只蚊子飞过来,欧阳锋哈了一口气,就把蚊子毒死了。恰在此时,又听到黄蓉的女儿郭襄在那里大喊救命,原来是一只大雕追着他不放。欧阳锋跑过去救美,雕狠狠的啄了他一口,啄得他手上红血直流。但是,欧阳锋没事,雕却被他毒死了。
洪七公:锋哥,厉害厉害。士别三日,当刮目相看。
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